I have many great traits.
I’d get tired if I wrote them all, but these are
my favourite:
My spontaneity and creativity, throwing myself
into the new and different,
desperate for another crazy adventure.
My ridiculous organising skills,
planning incredible
and detailed events at the drop of a hat.
Combined, I’m a fireball of life and activity.
I’m also the least patient person I know.
My ever-increasing belly, shovelling sweets like
the Oompa Loompas my husband so affectionately likened me to, weighed heavy on
my frame, making me desperate for escape.
Desperate to end the nine months of puking
Of being restricted in my own skin
Of reluctantly slowing down my pace
The messages piled in:
“Happy Due Date!!!! Any twinges ....???”
“no sign yet?! booooo xx”
Due day came and went…
“Where are these babies??????”
“Dear baby miller,
I am writing to officially give you an eviction
notice. Please vacate your mothers womb by 12am this evening before the overdue
cranky woman hormones go crazy ;) “
Everyday waiting for something…but yet
nothing came, not even a hint…
“You not blown yet? Milking this whole pregnancy thing
abit too much aren't you?”
“Ok, I'm done being patient for you!!! Go jogging or climb
some stairs ... or ... OTHER things ... and get that baby moving! “
You were “done”?!
I was done.
Overdone.
Completely spent and exhausted from
being patient.
Dogs and cats wait 60 days.
Rabbits wait 33 days.
Mice only wait 20 days.
Humans?
271 days.
Why forced to have so many bloated days?
What reason is there behind this torture?!
Texts of encouragement came in, but none
spoke more strongly than this:
“These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning
for full deliverance.
That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more
than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother.
We are enlarged in the waiting.
We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us.
But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the
more joyful our expectancy.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along.
He knows
us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition. That’s why
we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into
something good.
God knew what he was doing from the very beginning.”
{Romans 8}
We wait
For that spouse that never comes
For that job promotion they say is just
around the corner
For the day we will earn more
For that relationship to be fixed
For the house of our own
The morning the contractions started
Painfully waking me at 5am
Faithfully pulsing every 20 minutes
Five hours later
As my mum arrived panicked and scared of
missing the birth
They remained still 20 minutes apart
My pudgy self bounced frustratingly on
the exercise ball
Netflix choices blurred into mundane
viewing
My time had come
Labour was imminent
But yet Father God was still calling me
In a place of patience
We wait
For the marriage proposal
For the big break into the industry
For the manager to appreciate our
efforts
For the fertility treatment to work
For acceptance on a course
For healing
The sickness came back.
My “friend” vomit that had consumed each
week of my pregnancy
Overwhelming took over my labour
Contractions ranged from 1 to 7 minute
gaps
Each painfully convulsing my body
A disjointed 10pm walk to the hospital
A delusional time on gas & air
A two hour grueling stint in water
And there she was.
The words of the friend rang in my ear:
“Labour doesn’t matter once it’s stopped.”
Those things are coming.
Those dreams deep in our beings, with
heartbeats and kicks and pains
Have life within them
They are cooking, developing, growing.
It may not be happening to you as quick
as the dog
Or the cat
Or the mouse
As quick as your sister
Your friend
Everyone else
But it’s coming.
It was relayed to me, that I spoke these
words to my precious Zella,
as her wrinkled grey body lay wetly on my exhausted
chest:
“I did this for you. I did this all for
you.”
All the waiting
The agony
The stretching
The pushing
My reward, my prize, the end
Was truly worthy of the waiting
My heart has softened
My soul has learnt patience
My character has developed
Truly, I was enlarged in the waiting
