A comment I recently posted in a mum’s Facebook group received more than 50 "likes" in the hour following my scribing of it.
At my last check of it, it had exceeded 100.
We are a lazy bunch in the Miller household.
Steve’s alarm goes off at 6am (when he actually gets up is debatable) but Zella and I are only awake before he leaves if thereis a feed to be done or a poop explosion to clean. Some days 8, some days 9, on the lucky ones 10am is the hour we make it downstairs.
I still breastfeed Zella, in spite of her clamouring on top of me as if I were some gymnastics apparatus, and the occasional nip from the four teeth she has recently acquired. I am more than happy feeding her in public: on the bus, at cafes, at others houses, in parks, and, if the moment arises, while running to catch a train.
Some days, we hang out and play with the toys, some wooden, some with batteries. Often the only toy she’s interested in is my phone or the video baby monitor. I know I use technology around her too much because she can swipe the Mac and change my screens, and enjoys sitting back and looking through the morning’s Instagram offerings. I do try and do reading everyday as well, to make sure she is a book geek like me.
Sometimes we head to the park, or go on the swings. Yesterday we did this on the way to Tesco. That Tesco trip where I brought more than I could carry, and had to pile the buggy high and carry Zella home. Which wasn’t a problem…until it started to rain and I had to fashion a covering for her out of the shopping trolley seat cover I have because I don’t want her to get germs. Because for me, the germs in Tesco on the carts are far worse than the germs from the raisins I let her eat off our living room floor. I have also unknowingly taken her to this den of bacteria when she had a viral infection. I'm clearly going for mum of the year.
Often we go clothes shopping. I often get caught out and spend far too long shopping and socialising in town and am suddenly faced with a screaming babe. I hastily feed Zella the baby snacks and pouches of puree, trying not to condemn myself for not preparing an organic feast fit for The Savoy. At home, dinner times are a happy chatter amidst of baby-led mess; our kitchen tiles’ the loser, splattered with the disregarded and thus flung regurgitations of our child.
And on our favourite days, we hang out with other mums and babies. A year ago, I didn’t know anyone in Birmingham with a young child, but classes and playgroups have grown our circles wide. One mum and her son live nearby so we often meet spontaneously and talk about cloth nappies. Another mum teaches and is full of advice for Steve as well as support as she has carried on full-time breastfeeding. One mum is ten years older, a classically trained musician and a highly disciplined individual; on paper we should have nothing in common, but she makes me laugh hilariously and we have great conversations.
The reason my comment on that post
Seemed to resonate with so many others
Was because I attempted to speak out
Against, what I saw, as an unfair judgment of amother
Breastfed vs Formula
Baby-led weaning vs Purees
Co-Sleep vs Cot
Cloth vs Disposables
Baby carrier vs Buggy
Pacifiers vs Thumbs
Staying at home vs working outside of the home
In our attempt to make ourselves feel better about our choices
Often others are put down for theirs
We draw battle lines and the mama wars begin once again
With angry and judgemental words
The media provoking and antagonising
This fervent fire
A fire that causes another mother to weep
Pushing back the waves of post-natal depression
As at her most vulnerable
One hand cradles her babe
While the other shields her heart and mind
Why do we choose “versus”
Rather than “and”, “with” , “or” ?
I am more than aware that I’m not theperfect mother
I write my daily choices to show they are
Both good and bad
But am learning
Steadily
To rejoice in the fact
I am a mother
With healthy child
Who delights in my face
Who delights in our life
I look at so many of you and think you are thriving
Although you may only see your flaws and failings
But the truth is
We are all doing our best
Serving them best
Teaching them best
Loving them best
And our best is more than good enough
Though we act like these decisions
Are life and death
Denying child a place at Harvard or Oxford
In countries near and far
The abuse of children is far more abhorrent
Than the outcome of these differing views
For my friends
With babes unborn
Uncreated
Unfertilised
Dreams in your head for the future
May you carry the baton
Of freedom in motherhood
And support and love
In the face of this torrential storm ofwords
May we be free from the judgement
Free from the lies
Free the tangled webs of the enemy
That would convince us otherwise
Of the simple fact
You, my precious fellow mother, are doing a phenomenal job.
And as gummy smiles and toddler eyes reveal
That we are succeeding
May we take these words
And be a blessing to others.
