!dea Camp - Adoption & Foster Care

These are notes on the sessions specially addressing Adoption and Foster Care - this DEFINITELY gave us lots to think about...hopefully it will do the same for you. 

Our friends Emily & Moody who have a beautiful family including adoption

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ORPHAN CARE

// We cannot live the Christian American Dream

// We could get the statistics on adoption, but it is a simple Biblical principle

// Building programmes that are focussed on people’s gifting is wrong – begin with the needs of the children you are trying to help first!

// Every church should have Orphan Care

// “God sets the lonely in FAMILIES” (Psalm 68:6) – we should be seeking to children within families (whether through fostering or adoption)

// We cannot be satisfied with children living in orphanages, temporary places of transition; they need permanency.

// Man made orphanages for children, but God made families for children

// Jesus set it all aside to enter into our world. Enter into the pain of some of these children and lay aside our feelings.

// The church in the USA needs to work with the church globally to place children in homes permanently (family-like setting) – international adoption isn’t the only option

MEN

// Since the Garden of Eden, men have been passively stepping back. They need to step up.

// Adoptive should not be a back up plan for couples, but a normative idea

// Only 3% of husbands start the conversation of adoption – husbands should be the ones to start it off

// More things need to be shown from the father’s perspective – much of adoption is geared towards mothers

FOSTER CARE

// 115,000 children waiting for adoption through the Foster Care system

// Foster Care manages but does not solve the problems

// 42% of children who age out of foster care will be in the criminal courts by the age of 24

// Children in foster care are 3x less likely to graduate high school

// The older children in sibling groups are less likely to be adopted

// There is a high correlation between homelessness and being in foster care

// We cannot rely totally on our government – we have to engage in the community

// Where possible, children shouldn’t be moved to other parts of the state/town

// If considering foster care, you need to be prepared to have them for a season – anything from a few days until a few years. There will be an element of grief when this season ends. 

- random end thought from me - the BAAF (British Association for Adoption & Fostering) says the average age of an adoptive parent is 38...where are the younger people rising up to make a difference?? Could children benefit from having adoptive parents in their 20s too??

Artistry

The Friday evening session had a short talk, a “artists panel” interviewing a photographer, filmmaker & musician and then a band played, with videos of various things, and stories of how they had engaged in the orphan crisis including mission trips and both domestic & international adoption. The next day, a panel of bloggers met who discussed writing.

// We need to be open to interruptions. These will take the form of other humans, who when their stories invade our lives, we will change.

// The broken invites us into our own brokenness – the conversations about Orphan Care will drive us into the arms & hearts of Father God

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ARTIST PANEL

Esther Havens – Humanitarian Photographer – http://estherhavens.com/

Jonathan Olinger – Founder and Executive Director of Discover the Journey - www.discoverthejourney.org

Aaron Levy - Musician - http://aaronivey.com/

// If I meet someone who has a story and it’s not being told, I feel compelled to tell it.

// There is a difference between being a voyeur and a storyteller

// Everything comes down to relationship. Every injustice in the world can be traced back to a broken relationship.

// Story helps relationship…transport someone…encountering someone who isn’t the same…story…entering into someone else’s suffering and pain…that how we absorb the weight of pain, by listening to their story.

// It’s always the visual that stirs verbs, nouns & phrases

// The real artist is getting invested in the soil…real art is created when you are engaging in the story. This is what Jesus did for us – met us where we were in our suffering.

// Art speaks on multiple levels but facts speak on just one.

// Not everything is for everyone to experience. Not everything is meant to become a song.

AARON LEVY BAND

// Art…to stir the heart of man towards God

// Adoption is the most tangible expression of salvation that we have

// We are all just broken people in need of God

// The need is great, but what we see with our eyes is what we are responsible for

WRITING

// Story is what makes our relationships

// People respond when they know (a) our story & (b) they are told the stories of those affected. Both of these stories are important.

// There is a real authenticity that people are craving. When you are authentic, people trust you enough to go with you on this journey

// Sometimes we give a boldness/intimacy on social media that we wouldn’t have in normal conversation. Keep it natural

// Value that you bring something because of the unique gifting that Father has given you. Everyone should be ok with whatever God has asked you to write. Stay true to your voice.

// Don’t try and tie everything up in a bow and “complete” it.

// Whose story am I telling?? It is one thing to tell what I am going through. It is a totally other thing to tell my husband’s/friend’s/families story

// It is important to always give hope.

// Timing is key. Tell a story when there’s a lesson to be learnt, not just for the sake of it. 

!dea Camp - Session 2 - Causes & Ramifications

More notes from !dea Camp's discussion on Orphan care - feel free to pass it on to others. 

This is edits from Friday afternoon's talks & workshops. 

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// Adoption is a calling – not every one will or should adopt…

//  …BUT Orphan Care is a mandate for us all!! It is something that every single one of us needs to be a part of helping with.

TRAFFICKING

// Traffickers prey on the most vulnerable to make a profit – the loss of parents creates vulnerable children & teenagers

// Every two minutes children are abducted and trafficked

// There is a growing increase in child trafficking mixed with international adoption
- often when adoptions take a long time that is a good thing; it means they are fully investigating whether or not the child is an orphan and making sure they haven't been trafficked. 

// We are better at doing mercy (quick fix, see effects immediately) than justice (complicated, longer term involving systems such as religion, governmental and economic) - people need JUSTICE!

// 1/3 of runaways in the USA are approached by a trafficker within 48 hours

// Imagine if we put similar efforts into preventing children from becoming orphans

MALNUTRITION

// A child dies every 6 seconds from malnutrition – it kills more than AIDS and malaria combined

// The truth is that mums love their kids internationally BUT many are under resourced

// Where possible we should keep mothers and children together and support both of them to prevent orphaning

// In slums, at any given time, 50% of girls are pregnant. This is not a result of promiscuity but through selling sex to provide food for their families. Mothers will often ask their eldest daughter to sacrifice her sexuality in order to provide for their family.

// Every minute a mother dies through childbirth – tackling maternal health helps tackle the orphan crisis. You are 100x more likely to survive pregnancy if you are in the USA vs. on the African continent.

// Every 35 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS.

// AIDS isn’t an event; it’s a disease. And it’s not just a “medical” effort that is needed to help it.

// Ask better questions. Listen to the people directly involved in these struggles.

SPECIAL NEEDS

// The plight of children with special needs internationally is horrendous – political ideologies, sense of shame and warped religious views create a sense that those children are worthless.

// In America, when it is discovered a child has Down’s syndrome, 90% of those pregnancies will be aborted. While other countries publically scorn children with special needs, America simply covers up brokenness and pretends it didn’t exist.

PHOTOGRAPHY

// “Fly in the eye” photography (where we desire to highlight human poverty with a pathetic looking child” is simply developmental pornography. We are exploiting people.

// Ask yourself these questions before taking pictures in other cultures:

// Is this photo for them or for me?

// How does God see this person?

// How would I feel if I was this person?

// We need to listen to the people we photograph. We need to ask what is their story and then seek to help bring long-term solutions to their problems.

// Empower women to look after their families. Help them get a job and/or an education

// Train young people in an occupation or trade that will build them a sustainable future

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

// Children are made vulnerable in domestic violence situations

// Children are often “orphaned” by a parent that is around but is not actually involved in their live, or involved in a negative way (abuse, substance addiction). Though they have a “parent of record”, this person is merely a figurehead and the child needs to be cared for.

// Domestic violence affects both the children involved (educational delay, loss of innocence, parentalization, bullying, ADHD, over-achieving, eating disorders…) as well as the wider society (repetition of domestice violence, less graduates, higher mental health sufferers, poor relationships, teenage pregnancy, chronic disease e.g. depression, obesity…)

// Solutions to Domestic violence: face it and realise it happens everywhere, be available, know what to do, be an open door, find the root cause, educate yourself, collaborate, teach from church pulpits, support programmes, use your gifts. 

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What stats stand out to you? Anything surprise you? Thoughts?

!dea Camp Morning #1 - The Global State of the Orphan

Steve and I are currently attending !dea Camp, a collaborative conference where everyone gets a voice and chance to throw in their thoughts, ask lots of questions and really engage with the topic. This years theme is 'Orphan Care'. 

These are just a snippet of my notes from the morning session (there will be three more notes like this to come in the next coming days) - there were 8 different speakers (with 5-20 minutes each) plus workshops where all delegates were actively encouraged to throw in their ideas. 

Some of these are statistics. 

Some are experiences from work in various fields. 

Some are just simply random musings. 

The point is not what they are, but what it triggers us to think...to feel...to see...to do. 

Feel free to comment with your thoughts, experiences, opinions!!

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// The orphan crisis seems to large with 150-200 million orphans worldwide

//The people of God are the hope of the world

// Research highlights that in America we do not have the ability to be vulnerable. Americans are the most in debt, overspent, most overweight & most addicted – these are numbing mechanisms to cope with not being able to be broken

//80% of people on mission trips to orphans are women

// The problem isn’t that there aren’t enough Christians in the world – it is that the compassion of the Christians in the world isn’t enough

// If our only solutions to the Orphan Crisis are building/funding orphanages or international adoption, we will only reach around 1-2% of the orphans in need – we need to think outside of the box

// Fatherlessness is written in the hearts of this generation – songs, movies, blogs, TV shows…

// Fatherlessness is the engine driving our worst problems – teenage pregnancy, gang culture, homicide…

//The church needs to raise up mentors to help – In Portland, OR at the mentoring project, there  are 1000 kids on the formal waiting list for mentors

// Churches – start small, start with what is already going on, start with prayer

//Jeremiah 32:7 – Nothing is too difficult for God

// There is no reason the Orphan Crisis cannot be solved – Civil Rights: look at what happened 1960-1969? Global Warming: No one even talked about it 15 years ago.

// We need to work out what the “best interest of the child” really means

// Institutionalised care (orphanages/groups homes) are 5-10 times more costly than family care

// International adoption costs around $30,000. Figures suggest raising a child until their 18 in America costs over $200,000. That is $230,000 that could be spent on reaching multiple orphans, not just one.

// In USA, we have sought to eliminate many/most orphanages and group homes knowing these are not in “the best interest of the child” YET we continue to fund and see the solution oversees as building orphanages

// What if we invested our efforts in helping the people of those nations take care of the children in their nations?

// After the mass rise of international adoptions out of China, the government has put its efforts into foster care and domestic adoption solutions – in 2005 the number of children adopted that stayed in China, surpassed the number adopted internationally

// It is not popular to give to AIDS/HIV funding, but this is a major factor in reducing orphans

// Lets not pretend that a week in a foreign country on missions really benefits that place – it changes us MORE than it changes them

// International missions trips: we pay $2000 to go and paint a fence or orphanage in Uganda, but for $5 a day, we could pay a Ugandan national to do the same and provide him with a job

// Most of President Obama’s staff mentor young people

// Just showing up and being there is 90% of mentoring

// It can take over a year of mentoring before you can really break into the heart of a fatherless child

// How can you help?

            // Start small

            // Start with what is already going on

            // Start with prayer

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Thoughts? Feelings? Comments? Reactions?

Tiger

I am a tiger.

I became one at 11, as my body stretched and grew awkwardly into its shape.

On a middle school trip to France for culture, architecture and food,

we found ourselves

Somehow

In a clothing store.

Excitement grew as we scanned swimsuits.

This was the summer we had waited for:

From one piece

To two.

A grey bikini with short bottoms caught my eye

I eagerly tried it on

Then came out to display it to my friends

The Mean Girls rule applies – you can’t buy something unless everyone agrees on it.

I opened the curtains to find

A boy had infiltrated our group

Now part of the judging panel

He declared:

“What are those tiger stripes on your legs?!”

That’s when I knew I was a tiger.

An ugly one.

One that stood out too much

Too far

And so

I hid away.

Those lines that symbolised womanhood

Strength

Growth

Became the lines

The scars

The daggers marks

That ruined me

Ruined looking in the mirror

Ruined my esteem

I hated the stripes.

The represented my weakness.

You have a weakness too.

Something you feel "lets the side down."

The bump on your nose.

The hair down your back.

The lines on your belly.

The marks on your leg.

Your stripes are big and small

dark and light

bumpy and ridged

wrinkled and taut

Your stripes make you cry

Wince in pain, scream aloud, feel such

Shame

His stripes did the same.

From the whips and the chains

From the crowd jeering his name

As the blood poured out red

As His body went dead

Yet by His stripes we are healed.

Where others saw weakness

There was strength and power

Healing

Life.

His stripes saved me.

And yours will too.

Because behind the scar,

The stripe, the bump,

The line, the cut, the bruise

The disfigurement

Is a story.

As a tiger, 

I couldn’t rely on the outside, the appeal, the appearance to draw a crowd in

I learnt to be modest

That my body wasn’t a spectacle

So I stood back and watched others take centre stage

And watched as flirtation and then promiscuity stood by them and took a bow

And went into 

the encore.

As a growing tiger

Older

Supposedly wiser

My stripes as deep as they were before

I gather my cubs

With their marks, cuts, bruises

The things they just don’t like about

Themselves

And tell them the story of my stripes

And hope that by telling my tale

They

Will be healed.

Their esteem restored

Their hearts inspired

Their lives changed

Though memories fade

Hearts are healed

Your scars won’t be taken away

Because without them

You are plain animal

With no story to tell

With no story to bring hope.

Embrace the thing you most dislike about yourself

and ask

what is the story beneath it?

what is the power it holds?

what have I been taught through it?

whose life will it make a difference to?

I am a tiger.

What animal are you?

Listen

How do you think God speaks to you?

“I don’t know.”

If you don’t know, then how can you hear Him??

Sometimes its just that gut feeling

“I should go there”

“I shouldn’t speak to them”

“I should go and check they are fine”

“I should call them up”

Just a quiet whispering

A quiet feeling

Of the next step

That sense of security

Maybe it’s repetition

That number “2” you see over again

The clock is always “37 minutes past” when you look at it

The same person serving you at the grocery store each time you go up

It’s the thing that makes your heartbeat rise,

Given you goosebumps

Frustrates you

The news report

The TV show

The magazine article

The local protest

It’s all saying

Go

Move

Do

Act

It’s all

Listening.

The voice of Father creams through the thunder and lightning

And whispers through the cold day breeze

It’s all one

It’s all talk

It’s all for you to hear.

Tea

I loved the Black Eyed Peas Superbowl Halftime show.

To be honest it was the only thing I was looking forward to in regards to the Superbowl.

The dancing

The choreography

Stage design

Costumes

It was a performance

It was a spectacle

I love the party anthem of 'I’ve Gotta Feeling', always loudly shouting, “Mazeltov!”

I love the beats of their songs and how I have one friend, a Christian teacher and mother of three, who always whispers, “Dirty bit!” with a cheeky chuckle.

Ending the show with that age old question:

“Where is the love?”

Where is it??

I know our society is so broken, falling apart in so many ways

But I still see it

In the ever-growing group of people in Arlington and beyond who are fundraising to build 10+ wells providing clean water, classroom buildings and a library in a small village in Ethiopia.

In the kids writing valentines for all their classmates, so they don’t feel left out

In the family I am working with getting me snickers and my favourite Whole Foods bread.

In my brother's care for his seven-month-old cousin.

In the way strangers still hold open doors for people at restaurants and stores.


In men who still woo their wives and take them out on dates after 50 years of marriage. 


In the restoration that comes to a divided family when a new baby is born. 


In the people who work for non-profit organizations, government-funded initiatives, and low paying community efforts, for the sake of others, not for the sake of a large salary. 


In the family that have Steve and I over every week for dinner. 

The love is found when we do not let the cynical rule:
"I always prefer to believe the best about everybody, it saves so much trouble." - Rudyard Kipling. 

When we chose to see the joy in all situations:
"I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little." - Paul the apostle

When we use words of care, even when we don’t feel the other person deserves them:
"If you see your enemy hungry, go buy him lunch; if he's thirsty, bring him a drink.
Your generosity will surprise him with goodness, and God will look after you." - Proverbs 25 v 22

When we protect those who can’t protect themselves:

"The greatness of America is in how it treats its weakest members: the elderly, the infirm, the handicapped, the underprivileged, the unborn." - Bill Federer


We open our doors to others:
"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day." - Sally Koch 

We make tea, not war.