!dea Camp - Adoption & Foster Care

These are notes on the sessions specially addressing Adoption and Foster Care - this DEFINITELY gave us lots to think about...hopefully it will do the same for you. 

Our friends Emily & Moody who have a beautiful family including adoption

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ORPHAN CARE

// We cannot live the Christian American Dream

// We could get the statistics on adoption, but it is a simple Biblical principle

// Building programmes that are focussed on people’s gifting is wrong – begin with the needs of the children you are trying to help first!

// Every church should have Orphan Care

// “God sets the lonely in FAMILIES” (Psalm 68:6) – we should be seeking to children within families (whether through fostering or adoption)

// We cannot be satisfied with children living in orphanages, temporary places of transition; they need permanency.

// Man made orphanages for children, but God made families for children

// Jesus set it all aside to enter into our world. Enter into the pain of some of these children and lay aside our feelings.

// The church in the USA needs to work with the church globally to place children in homes permanently (family-like setting) – international adoption isn’t the only option

MEN

// Since the Garden of Eden, men have been passively stepping back. They need to step up.

// Adoptive should not be a back up plan for couples, but a normative idea

// Only 3% of husbands start the conversation of adoption – husbands should be the ones to start it off

// More things need to be shown from the father’s perspective – much of adoption is geared towards mothers

FOSTER CARE

// 115,000 children waiting for adoption through the Foster Care system

// Foster Care manages but does not solve the problems

// 42% of children who age out of foster care will be in the criminal courts by the age of 24

// Children in foster care are 3x less likely to graduate high school

// The older children in sibling groups are less likely to be adopted

// There is a high correlation between homelessness and being in foster care

// We cannot rely totally on our government – we have to engage in the community

// Where possible, children shouldn’t be moved to other parts of the state/town

// If considering foster care, you need to be prepared to have them for a season – anything from a few days until a few years. There will be an element of grief when this season ends. 

- random end thought from me - the BAAF (British Association for Adoption & Fostering) says the average age of an adoptive parent is 38...where are the younger people rising up to make a difference?? Could children benefit from having adoptive parents in their 20s too??

147

First comes love

Then come marriage

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

This is how we have been trained to see life.

A picture of a couple settled in holy matrimony,

making a planned decision to bring one or more children

into the world.

A baby is welcomed into the family

With a shower of

Gifts

Hugs

Words of encouragement for the first timer

The belly swells with joy

Pride

Because this is what they have been waiting for

This once traditional ordering is being played around with so much in society

So lets just mess around with it some more.

Lets throw another way into the mix.

A couple with several children open their home to foster children

Adopted children

Not with the usual baby shower

But a “Gotcha” day

And a step out into an unpredictable world.

One of a variety of emotions.

The multicultural smiles around the table,

remind them that this,

though a hard decision,

Is a beautiful one.

The children interact with love

This is what they have been waiting for.

While we are mixing with the non-traditional

Can I suggest something even more different?

A couple, married for a few years, think about a new arrival

Or two

Or three

Not of their own womb, but still to be

Their own

Surprising as they scan the internet, they see so many sibling groups

Twos

Threes

Fours

Even a few fives

What is their story the couple wonder?

Abandoned, abused, neglected, malnourished...

But the story doesn’t seem to matter

It’s the faces that matter.

The faces that say:

“Will you be our family

Forever?”

The hands that hold one another tight and say:

“Please, keep us all

together”

The eyes that don’t quite make contact as if to say:

“I don’t know if we can trust you

but

we want to”

The couple discover on their journey,

It’s not just the cute, little newborn that needs a home

It’s the bigger ones

Those “bigger” in age

Those “bigger” in emotional issues

Those “bigger” in developmental and mental health needs

Those “bigger” in grouping

When the world has 147 millions orphans

147 million individual lives

needing a home

a family

a mummy & a daddy

Why make another baby?

Why bring a life into this world,

when they are so many in need already?

Is it selfish to want a child that looks likes you

Sounds like you

Came from you

When there are so many who still need you?

What defines a child

Your child?

Is it that they came from you,

made with your DNA?

Or is the time that you spend with them

Developing them

Training them

Playing with them

Investing in them

and Loving them?

What makes a mum and a dad?

Is it merely genetics?

Or is it something else

Something more

Something greater

Steve and I step into a journey of working out

What are we called to?

Why is this becoming something that we grow passionate about?

When will we be parents?

Who will be our children?

Whether they come

From us

Or to us

They

We know

will be like us. 

Tug

I am working on changing my guilt into action

Over the past few years, I think a mindset has instilled within me that unless I am doing a big thing, I am doing nothing.

Competitive Texans say: "Go big or Go Home."


When I haven't been able to do something big, i have shyed away, believing I won't make a different.
Cautious about helping with families that are well-off Christians because surely there are people with more need than them.
Not sure about helping in programs that only have 7 girls in them as with my experience, I should be working with groups of 50, 70, 100 or even 1000.
Worried that the times I think Father is speaking to me and then I write a cuple of pages, that they are merely words with no power.

I have come to this point:

Father God deserves a person who does what is laid before them. 


Each of us has something; a leaning, a gifting, a preference.

We will make an impact on the world around us.
That world may stretch 5 miles. It may stretch 500. It may stretch 5000.

But it stretches.

Jesus said: "The harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few."


Maybe that is because the labourers thought that the work set before them was too small, too unimportant, and went looking for a bigger field.

The people around you deserve your help.

I know a story of a shepherd who had 100 sheep but discovered one was missing. He left the flock in search of the one, found it and rejoiced with his friends and neighbours.

A massive party, for one being helped.
One being rescued
One being saved.

Because one searched within their community, looked around, and saw help was needed.

Your help.



Hannah loves romance. 


In my first year month of university she told me, "Don't date in your first year - its the time you work out who you are, and you can't find that in another person."
She explored the intimate relationship Father wants with us, but we seek out in the arms of the 'wrong-but-right-there' person.
This passion has led her to teach in Welsh schools and youth groups about sex & relationships and now move further afield to Zambia in Africa.

This is her tug

Luke loves mental health. 


There is something about schizophrenia in minority ethnic communities that fascinates him, inspiring him to gain understanding and answers to help the community around him.

Led to do a pHD, he tirelessly studies and undergoes ethnographical research to play a part in changing his community.

This is his world.

Anna loves women. 


A fierce protector of those with the XX chromosome and their children, she has worked tirelessly in shelters for the abused, social work and Sure Start centres to support them through hard times.

She not only knows the statistics of domestic violence, she knows the faces.

This is her pull.

Dan loves music. 


His crazy talent for both playing and composing, allow him to write melodies that say everything you were thinking. When he leads worship, the Holy Spirit sweeps in. He isn't interested in the status of being a world famous musician; he's interested in hearts connecting with their heavenly creator.

This is his mission.




I remember a couple of years ago, organizing a crazy sports day with our friends, and we had a Tug-O-War.
I had rope burn for the following week, such was a my sheer determination to win, combined with my freakish man strength.
I put everything I had into that pull.

Your world, your community, your house, your street, your school, your city
Deserves
Your tug.

Steve declared during university to a group of friends that his life goals were simply to be "a great husband and a great father." I remember discussing this, deriding him for "not thinking big enough" and pushing him to think about more things he wanted to achieve, naively believing i was somehow superior with my ambitions of world domination.

One person, on hearing Steve's goals, said:
"You will achieve that in a few years - you need to have something bigger."


But to look at the disintegration of family in our modern society, for a man to make a vocal stand, to declare a fervent desire above all else to be the best father and husband possible, one would clearly see that this is no small task, nor something of unimportance.

Steve and I love families.
We love our mummies, daddies, brothers & sisters, cousins, grandma's etc, but we also love the wider concept of "family" as well as community. We desire to turn dysfunction into delight, to step in the gap of of single-parent homes and orphaned children.
With no kids of our own, we somehow end up on museum trips, teaching English to children, cooking dinners and babysitting kids, watching Disney DVDS and talking with parents on how to raise children. One time, we asked some parents if their kids could stay over at our house so we could build a fort with them; I let the girls try on my wedding dress while Steve drew schematics and taught on construction techniques.

Before Christmas, Father God laid before me two opportunities to help families - to support a homeschooling family, with four adorable children, three times a week, and to volunteer in Fort Worth with an after-school program with seven beautiful African-American girls, picked because they are from single-parent homes and need encouragement.

I grab them with open arms, excited and expectant.

Repeatedly Steve and I have been led to people, conversations, books, blogs, tv shows and other things that have talked of orphans, adoptions, fostering...this week I felt Father God clearly say that I need to put aside my utopia picture of two biological children, that fit neatly into a compact car, and prepare our home that will, in His perfect timing, open its doors to multiple children from multiple backgrounds.

It won't fit neatly.
It won't be tidy.

But as it always is with us,
it will be an adventure.

This is our tug.

"To be a great husband and a great father."


"Bolding seeking Father first, to be made more and more into his likeness; unconditionally loving each other while providing a loving and God-centered environment for all those who enter our home and our lives."


"To love our neighbour as we love ourselves."


Imagine if Steve's goals stirred men to make the bed they lie in, and maybe even bring breakfast to it.
Inspired men to give their families time not money.
Encouraged them to keep their vows of fidelity.
Motived them to see the pleasure of monogamy.

Your tug could make breaking news.