Last December
A seed was sown
A journey began
A new life started
As tiny Zella grew from plum to mango to watermelon then out
Another growth coincided
Changing me from the outside in
I remember the day
Two months short of my 13th birthday
My mum, aunt and godmother
Gathered busily in the bathroom
Reading box instructions intently
It was my time
My coming of age:
My first relaxer.
For those not versed in afro-politics
And wondering why so much fuss
What the big deal is
Relaxers take those tight, dark, young girl curls
And stretch them into
Straight “big woman” tresses
I looked in the mirrored eyes of straight haired me
And I felt beautiful
Gone, now, were the days of sitting betweenmy mother or grandmothers legs
With comb tugging and pulling resistant curls in intricate plaits
I was now in control
And would have hair like all my other lighter-skinned friends
Who wash and go’d in the mornings
Dutifully I did my time in the hairdresser's seat
The 2, 3, 4 hour process
Of white thick cream
Waiting for the burn
But letting it soak in some more
so that it was super straight
And although I had
bad reactions
burns and bumps
patches that didn’t grow
and awful breakage that robbed half the back of my head of growth
like a dog returning to its vomit
so was my foolishness in going back
For me
It was the only way to be pretty
Sold a lie by
Beyonce
Oprah
Janet
Tyra
That to fit into culture
I had to tame my mane
I took out the essence of my hair
And lost more of the essence of myself
As pregnancy hormones dictates
I gave up the “creamy crack”
Letting the natural roots grow out
And as my baby grew inside of me
And I excitedly wondered about the beautiful curls
that would no doubt come
I looked at my straightened ends
And wondered if I’d ever be able to look them in the eye
How would I encourage them to be natural
To love their own body
To be comfortable in their own skin
To marvel at their God-given wonder
If I was suppressing my own?
When precious babe was revealed as precious girl
Faced with the female perils
Of low self esteem and insecurity
I realised that if I wanted her to be confident in just who she was
Born just perfect
Then I needed to show her me
Just the way I was born
Just perfect
There is this wonder
With afro hair
And its curls and twist
Braids and locks
That makes it unique
And daily I now embrace
And so it grows
The afro puff
The 4c curls
My old hidden now rediscovered healthy mane
Surprisingly more upkeep
Surprisingly educating
Surprisingly freeing
