Loss

One of my training sessions for Gladney was on “Grief and Loss” exploring how the different parts of the adoption circle (birth mothers, adoptees, adoptive parents) deal with the various grief and loss they experience…well seems like that training is going to come in handy.

I lost the job.

I got a call today saying they really wanted me for the position, but its not going to work out because of visa issues. For those of you who understand visa stuff, the requirements for the H-1B visa (the normal type of working visa) says:

You are coming to the US to perform services in a specialty occupation with a college (university) degree.

I have a degree, but because the Gladney position doesn’t require a degree (but prefers it) and previous people have worked the same position without a degree, they cannot petition for the visa as it isn’t seen, according to immigration, as a “specialty occupation”.

I cried hard after that phone conversation.

Yes. I cried.

It is so weird to lose something you never started in the first place, but filling out all the paperwork, doing the reading, meeting some of the women, having a tour of the facility…my heart was there, my heart was in the role.

And it just got taken away.

But I KNOW Father God is working in this.

I really felt like I needed to read the first bits of the story of Job. He was described as a “blameless & upright man…who feared God an shunned evil” but God allowed Satan to bring sadness into his life to show that Job would not stop praising God. Job said these words (which Steve had comically put by our shower in the last house):

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

I have NO idea why Father God has chosen to take this thing away from me.

But I do know he works all things for the good of those who love Him.

I don’t know what the next step is, I don’t know if I will still try and pursue some volunteer position with Gladney (part of me would really like to), I just don’t know anything other than I’m really sad, hurt and upset that I have lost this opportunity.

And I guess this is where the poop hits the fan, and your faith really gets tested; are these just songs I sings and nice words in a book, or do I really believe in the things God says?

Do I really believe that good will come out of this situation?

Do I really believe God is on my side and is working this craziness out and going to something more amazing than I can imagine?

Yes.

But it just hurts a lot right now. 

Era

Sometimes there’s just a restlessness, a gut feeling you can’t shake that seems to say its time to move on but you don’t really know what is next so you don’t understand the feeling, and question whether its just you being silly or God on the move (or possibly indigestion).

After four years serving in roles for both Pais:USA and Pais:Global, my (full-time) journey with The Pais Project is over. I will still be involved in random ways in the ministry, Steve will still be serving with them so it’s a given I will help out, but my last official day was June 25th. 

After seeking God and hearing him speak in several ways (some weird!) I realized it was time to step out, but was absolutely petrified. Father had talked to me about “broad paths” and “wide spaces” and “open places” but I didn’t know how anything would work out: visa, finances, transport…but sometimes you have to jump anyways. 

And Father God, as always, has been faithful and supplied.

I decided that I would use my time in England and Jamaica to think through what was the next step, and come back and look up jobs. We downsized to an apartment saving a significant amount of money, to prepare ourselves for the potentially financially-tight months ahead (as if the past four years haven’t been like that anyway!). But before we even left, a friend mentioned a job and I was asked to send in my resume (for which I needed to write one first…). I was asked to come in for an interview at 10am on the day our flight for England left at 4pm, and got on to the plane thinking “that was a good experience but I don’t expect much to come from it”. Fastforward to the day we arrive back, and I get a call saying the job is mine if I want it. 

Overwhelmed is not the word.

So I am (soon to be) the Weekday House Parent at the Gladney Center for Adoption, serving birth mothers who are staying in the dorms as they prepare to place their child for adoption. With space on campus for up to 30 prenant women, who will range in aged from early teens to early/mid forties, my job title states my role as:

Providing a comfortable, harmonious climate for day-to-day living, attempting to be a substitute parent and a positive role model for the young women.

I am petrified, not least as I do my preliminary reading of “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” (I am second in command if a girl goes into labour!), I am overwhelmed that Father is giving me this opportunity to be hands-on with these vulnerable young women who are going through what can only be described as one of the most beautiful yet painful things in the world – spending nine months caring for a baby, to then bless another family with that life. 

There are so many prayer points:
– Visa change over as quickly as possible so I can start working
– A car (preferably cute and small with good gas mileage for my 25 min drive to/from work)
– Training/Reading in advance of the role

Amidst these concerns I am reminded of one of my favourite lines in the bible that says we should be “careless in the care of God”. I am also reminded that these things are small change, little speed bumps to traverse, compared to the more weightier matter of reaching these women, supporting them, being an advocate for them, and helping them through this period of life.

And bringing them the hope and love of a Father who cares for them.

I am nervous, excited, overwhelmed, worried, scared, apprehensive..

But I’m passionate about people. I’m passionate about being a person who brings change for the better into people’s lives.

There are people, I believe, who will never simply walk to an event at a church or just make friends with a Christian because of a fear of judgement.

And these are the people I feel it is my job to seek out and find. To go to their places. To meet them where they are at.

And so I jump into this next stage, this new era, wholeheartedly, knowing that if Father God worked all these crazy situations together and got me this job without me even trying or seeking it out, then there must be a great reason that He wants me there. 

Boomtown.

Jemi

My cousin’s baby has finally arrived with the name:

Oluwajemi

Called “Jemi” for short, her Nigerian name means ‘God has answered me’.

And the truth is, He has.

For Femi and Jordelle, as with any other parent, all you desire is for your child to be healthy. They didn’t care whether it was a girl or a boy, they just wanted “it” to be well.

God answered that. 

And that's a huge thing. 

But Father God answers the small things as well. 

I remember the phone conversation with Jordelle in early December last year. With her first sentence she told me that she was pregnant. 

With her second sentence, she asked Steve and I to be god-parents. 

Knowing our always tight and hectic summer schedule, and with the baby's due date right at the end of the week we planned to be in England, we prayed that Father would have her born on time and we'd get to see her. 

Halfway through our week in England, and four days earlier than expected, we got news that Jordelle had gone into labour. 

A painful and agonizing 24 hours later (for which I have an increases amount of respect for my new heroes - all mothers who endure labour), Jemi was born. 

God answered our prayer. 

It was small, it was selfish, but God answered it anyway, giving us four days to spend with our beautiful god-daughter before we left.

He answered the huge. He answers the small. 

And then there's the random. 

In 2 King 6, a group of prophets led by Elisha, are cutting down trees, when one of their axes falls into the water. 

Axe gone right?

Elisha, probably uttering a silent prayer, instructs one of the men (also most likely uttering a silent prayer) to show him where the axe fell into the water, then throws a stick which makes the iron axe float to the surface. 

God answered their prayer. 

Father God deeply cares about the huge, small and random asks we have. 

The school paper. The ill relative. The football game. The work conference. The household budget. The mourning family. The new relationship. The bullied child. 

Let us not be as abusive and flippant to treat Him like a ethereal vending machine, who chugs out a delightful treat in return for a rusty coin of hurried meaningless words. 

But let's not be too scared to open our hearts to converse with Father God of the universe, who despite the awesome role of being in charge of all creation, answers our prayers. 

What will you ask Him for today??

Jordelle and Femi's words back to Father are revealed in the meaning of Jemi's middle name 'Feyishara'?

"Take this as yours."