Loss

One of my training sessions for Gladney was on “Grief and Loss” exploring how the different parts of the adoption circle (birth mothers, adoptees, adoptive parents) deal with the various grief and loss they experience…well seems like that training is going to come in handy.

I lost the job.

I got a call today saying they really wanted me for the position, but its not going to work out because of visa issues. For those of you who understand visa stuff, the requirements for the H-1B visa (the normal type of working visa) says:

You are coming to the US to perform services in a specialty occupation with a college (university) degree.

I have a degree, but because the Gladney position doesn’t require a degree (but prefers it) and previous people have worked the same position without a degree, they cannot petition for the visa as it isn’t seen, according to immigration, as a “specialty occupation”.

I cried hard after that phone conversation.

Yes. I cried.

It is so weird to lose something you never started in the first place, but filling out all the paperwork, doing the reading, meeting some of the women, having a tour of the facility…my heart was there, my heart was in the role.

And it just got taken away.

But I KNOW Father God is working in this.

I really felt like I needed to read the first bits of the story of Job. He was described as a “blameless & upright man…who feared God an shunned evil” but God allowed Satan to bring sadness into his life to show that Job would not stop praising God. Job said these words (which Steve had comically put by our shower in the last house):

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

I have NO idea why Father God has chosen to take this thing away from me.

But I do know he works all things for the good of those who love Him.

I don’t know what the next step is, I don’t know if I will still try and pursue some volunteer position with Gladney (part of me would really like to), I just don’t know anything other than I’m really sad, hurt and upset that I have lost this opportunity.

And I guess this is where the poop hits the fan, and your faith really gets tested; are these just songs I sings and nice words in a book, or do I really believe in the things God says?

Do I really believe that good will come out of this situation?

Do I really believe God is on my side and is working this craziness out and going to something more amazing than I can imagine?

Yes.

But it just hurts a lot right now.