Throughout the year the newspaper reported a seeming record number of cases of infidelity in the celebrity world: Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch, Tony Parker, Jesse James, Ashley Cole, Vernon Kay, Ronan Keating, Mark Owen…every high profile male it seemed was caught having his cake and eating if off a young blonde.
Don’t get me wrong and think I am about to launch into a man-hating rant. I vehemently believe in the following two things:
(1) Men aren’t always the bad guys.
Women cheat too (but I would argue that it appears to be less than men).
(2) It takes two to tango.
Besides every cheating husband/boyfriend is a mistress, struggling with issues of self worth.
The editorial continued to discuss the reasons why these well-established males, aware that their every action was constantly commented on in the media, thought they could get away with such illicit affairs.
Was it arrogance, a sense that they were above the law, that they would never get caught?
Was it feelings of insecurity, their masculinity compromised by the meteoric rise of their successful wives, much more than a pretty accessory on the red carpet?
Was it a lack of self-control; the opportunities were there, so why not take them?
My opinion?
It was, quite simply, that their vows meant nothing to them.
I have to be careful when I use the word “vow” as my brother-in-law will hastily bring up the fact that I made a slip during my wedding. Within our self-scribed vows I clumsily declared to Steve:
“I will love you not because I want to but because I have to.”
Needless to say, I learnt the hard way that the words we say have significance and meaning.
Our words, in one breath, can bring life to a relationship:
“Of course, I want to thank my wife…she given me three amazing boys…the support... she is truly an inspiration for me every single day.”
- David Beckham (on accepting a lifetime achievement award for sports in December) -
And in the next sentence bring death to both the relationship and their character:
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
- Bill Clinton (on claims of extra-marital relations)
“I take you,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish
'til death do you part.”
Vows, in this society, don’t mean much.
It seems it is no longer honorable to be a person who sticks to their convictions and their word.
Cheaters are studs living the Lou Bega dream: “…a little bit of Sandra in the sun, a little bit of Mary all night long...”
Character, it seems, is not as important as charisma.
And our world is suffering.
The institute for the Study of Civil Society states the effects on all the family when a biological father is absent:
- Lone mothers are more likely to be poorer than their married counterparts, to suffer from stress & depression, have health problems and more problems interacting with their children.
- Children are more likely to live in poverty and deprivation, have more trouble in school, more trouble getting along with others, higher risk of health problems and more likely to run away from home.
- Teenagers are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, become teenage parents, offend, smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs, leave school at 16 and have adjustment problems.
- Young adults are less likely to attain qualifications, more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes and be on income support, experience homelessness, suffer long-term emotional and psychological problems and divorce or dissolve their cohabiting unions.
There are always exceptions to the rule.
Your foundation in life does not define you.
But your foundation in life shapes a lot of who you are.
Our society needs men who stand by their words.
The young men need to see older men who model it.
Young men need mentors.
Old men need to realize they are being watched.
“Do not shoot off your mouth, or speak before you think. Over-talk shows you up as a fool. When you tell God you’ll do something, do it-now.”
If you believe in God enough to have a wedding in a church, then believe in God enough to know there is sanctity in your wedding vows.
If you believe in Jesus enough to swear on his name to show your honesty, then believe enough to know that He may just hold you to it.
Where are the men who will rise up?
Where are the promise keepers not the heart breakers?
I know there are a lot of bad apples.
I’ve been hurt by them.
I’ve cried over them.
I’ve cursed the day they were created.
But these truths have risen like a phoenix from the ashes:
I believe in men.
I believe there is a reason Father God created them first, and women second.
I believe they are better than the newspapers portray them.
I believe they are the leaders of our families.
I believe that they can love unconditionally.
I believe that they can be faithful.
The moment I buy into the lie of the year of the love rat, that men are unable to be monogamous, that men will not commit, that there’s no such thing as a “good man”, I declare that there is no future.
And that is something I just don’t believe.
“It is far better not to vow in the first place than to vow and not pay up.”
I hope more men make that vow.
For the sake of the generations to come.
For the hope of our society.
And because I have a lot of beautiful single female friends that I am trying to marry off.
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