Beautiful Responsibility

She doesn't scream, but I still hear her

Hand sucking in crib

Voice quietly and aimlessly chattering

When picked up, arms envelope my neck

And sudden head bobbing begins

So sudden, head clatters with my lips

I taste blood in my mouth

My body feels tired

Wondering why I have forsaken

Our favourite time of rest

Clammy fingers reach up towards my neck and fall in submission

As large gulps begin

The wild animal is tamed

And so I lie

For ten

Or twenty

Or thirty

Too often more than 60

Minutes with

No words

Just her heavy breathing

Cutting through the silence of night

Minutes with

The quiet knowledge

That to her

This twilight exploration

Is like manna from heaven

Full fat organic goodness

Her only way to survive

Without me,

she is weak

A responsibility that shatters my selfishness

Breaks my wants

Shows me so much of unfailing love of Father God

Physically, you tire me

Spiritually, you revive me

The burp rudely juxtaposes the silence

Your mouth accidentally drips its excess

Head flops over my shoulder

Body waves white flag

As slowly I lay you back down

My beautifully exhausting responsibility

{written in 30 mins during a 5am feeding session. feeding zella hasnt always been an easy journey...thankful that I have come to the place where I can celebrate it}