Legacy

This time with Steve’s dad is a bittersweet one.

We all know that our time on earth is relatively short,

somewhere between 80-100 years if we are fortunate.

So in a sense,

we are all dying,

each day a day closer to meeting our maker

But sickness has a way of bringing that to the forefront

Of putting the fragility of life right in our face

Brian & Ruth, through this past autumn, winter and now into spring

Have remained ever trusting in Father God

Faithfully reading His word daily

Relying on revelation by His holy spirit for a word to speak directly into their situation

They have not been failed by our God.

And Steve and I follow suit

Desperate clinging to Father

Asking Him to speak into this beautiful mess

This sweet

yet painful

Time

Daily reading, seeking, wanting a word...

This week I read of a king, rich materially, who was visited by those from an enemy state. He naively welcomes the adversary messengers sent to “wish him well” following his illness. Arrogantly, he tours them through his silver, gold, expensive oils, weapons and such, hiding nothing from their peering eyes.

He exposed himself to his foe.

A prophet (the spiritual equivalent of a psychic) comes along, shocked that he left nothing hidden from them and accurately predicts that all this will be taken from their land in the future.

The King has exposed his forthcoming descendents to their foe.

The Kings response:

“But surely nothing bad will happen in my lifetime.

I’ll enjoy peace and stability as long as I live.”

Do we seek wealth and security for just us or our future generations as well?

Do we think of relationships in terms of the offspring we will produce? Do we consider whether this will be a good union for them?

Do we look after our plot of land right now, or seek to create something sustainable for those to come?

Is only our country of matter, or do we look further afield to sow a seed?

When the photo albums of us are looked back on,

will the page turn swiftly

Hastily

When it comes to our picture?

Or will time be spent

Stroking our face tenderly

Reflecting on the love that was left behind

To a generation that never knew the sound of our voice?

We have no idea of the strength of this disease on Brian’s body

But we know of the strength

Impact

Legacy

Of his life on our future generations

His courage

Leadership

Hospitality

Compassion

Embarrassing anecdotes of Steve

These will live on far beyond his life

They will echo into the eternity of our family

They will be heard 

loudly

And embraced 

dearly

And peace and stability will endure,

long after his lifetime.

Chandler

Christmas 2008: Steve sees the “Friends Complete Series 1-10” on sale for £50 and wants to buy it. Sebrina tells him that it will be cheaper in America.

January 2009 – November 2009:  Sebrina spends eleven months trying to find as good a bargain but fails miserably and vows to buy it in England whatever the cost.

Christmas 2009: Sebrina buys the box set for Steve for £40. Steve is very happy.

January 2010: Steve and Sebrina think it will be fun to try and watch the entire box set in a year.

Somewhere in 2010: S&S feel challenged that they never made a decision to read the Bible in the year, so stop the militancy with which they were watching Friends.

We love the relationship between Chandler and Monica because at times it feels so much like ours.

The friends where everything changed overnight.

The seemingly clashing personalities that compliment each other perfectly.

The way they are so open in their relationship dysfunctions.

Their intense competitive nature.

One of our favourite episodes is where they marry, not least because there is so much that seems to occur to put a spanner in the works.

Chandler, overwhelmed by the commitment entailed to get married, runs away, paralysed by the fear and magnitude of the situation. When Ross (best friend & Monica’s brother) gets him to come back, he does so by encouraging him in stages.

Ross: Y’know, okay. You’re right. It is huge. So why don’t we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?

Chandler: Well yeah, but then…

Ross: (interrupting him) Yeah—No-but-but-but-but! We’re just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, that’s not scary right?

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Ross: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn’t so scary, was it?

Chandler: No.

Ross: I’m telling you, just a little bit at a time.

Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, what’s the next little bit?

Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like you’ve done everything else!

Chandler: Yeah. You’re right. Hey I-I can do that.

Right now, for me, Father God is Ross.

He is saying “Let’s just take it a little bit at a time.”

Everything is up in the air.

We step on a plane on Sunday afternoon, knowing that Steve’s dad’s condition is worsening. And we need to appreciate every moment we have with him.

Fear & worry fill our hearts.

Responsibility kicks in, knowing we have commitments in America, but also commitments to our family. We want to be all things, to everyone, and do everything. But we can’t.

We have to make decisions on our apartment lease, which, if we make the wrong ones, could see us “homeless” or spending several hundred more than we are right now.

There are short term and long-term decisions to be made about where we will live. Where we will have children. When we will have children.

It all appears overwhelming and far more than I am able to cope with.

A forest of madness lays before us, seemingly wanting to entrap us, stop us from doing anything well.

Stopping us from living the full abundant life we know Father has for us.

But yet I hear Him, interrupt me,

Interrupt my scariness,

Interrupt my fear,

Interrupt my anxiety and frustrations and nervousness

And say, “Just do the next little bit.”

That’s all I am called to do.

The next little bit.

And as I take that step, the next thing will come along.

Chandler got married. He had to face that.

I too, alongside my husband, will have to face every bit of the aforementioned heinous list.

But face it I will.

And it will be Ok.

I believe it has the potential to be more than Ok.

I believe Father God works all things for the good of those who love Him.

I believe Father God tells me I am more than an overcomer in Him.

I believe Father God hems me in, and goes before me.

I believe Father God sticks to me like glue.

At the Hagan’s house this evening, where we gathered to pray with both Ron & Karla, and their three beautiful children, I found this on the living room table:

We will dismiss the fact that applesauce, a gross puree of crushed apples, was once held inside this squidgy tube and digested as a wholesome snack, and simply focus on the name:

GoGosqueeZ

This is what Father God calls me to.

Go – Get on that plane, face your fears, step into the unknown and scary

Go – Be alongside your husband in this. Wipe his tears. Mix them with yours. Remain one.

squeeZ – squeeze tight to my hand, there is a hard road ahead of you and you will need to be holding on for dear, precious life, but I will not let you go.  

He says:

“I’ve picked you.

I haven’t dropped you.

Don’t panic. I’m with you.

There’s no need to fear, for I’m your God.”

These are the words, of the fearful little petrified girl, just like Chandler, that uses awkward jokes to stop emotionally connecting with situations.

The little girl who knows, somewhere deep inside her, that things will be alright.

That Father God is in control.

Breath

I can’t live in you

I can sustain myself

In you

You have nothing for me it seems

Mr. Moment.

There is so much to do

The rush of the days chores and activities

From one activity to the

Next

Like a chain smoker

Barely stubbed up out

I light up the next

Addicted to the adrenaline of a life on the run

Unaware that the smoke is slowly

Wrapping its dirty smog arms around

My lungs as I strain

To even take in

I don’t think I even know what its like to not feel this way

Struggling

Grasping

My mind runs to the future

The trendy loft apartment

Got on a bargain

Conceiving place of the

Newborn I cradle in my arms

As the others run around screaming

“Madea” as my mother helps me in my chaos

steve home from work chases kids around the house

and discusses out latest travel plans

another plane ride awaits us

so much more of the globe to view

lunch with my girlfriends

as we discuss my book tour, job promotions

laughing at the times we were young

and poor

then she

my mind

runs back

back to the moments that won’t be forgotten no matter

how hard

I try they still stay vivid

The regrets of how I struggled so much with knowing me

Who I was

In middle school, high

School days a tear filled blur

Of discomfort within my skin

The unspoken words at college

Was I really the influence I wanted to be?

Did I speak the truth when I was supposed to

Have I done enough?

Will I do enough?

Am I doing

Enough?

But no time to think through this

With so much to do

See

Fear.

Oh Mr. Moment

I want to go on a date

Where I soak in your presence like fine wine at a meal

And I listen and absorb

Tipsy in your presence

As I’ve so fully drunk it in

I want to sit in the sun

And listen

And not stop listening

No matter how hard the rain falls later

I think I can’t catch up with you Mr. Moment

You seem to me to be running away

So very fast

But you tell me:

“In your ignorance, you have lapped me

You are the hare

You resent the tortoise

Even though he was victorious.

In your arrogance you run and rage and battle against me

You dream of a date

A sit down meal with me

But its lustful fancy

Your actions tell me so”

And so I miss

Date after date

Enjoying your company

Long chats

Deep rests

And smoke chokes me

Stops me from breathing.

Why can’t I just live right now

Simply with you

Mr. Moment?

!dea Camp - Preemptive Orphan Care and Development

These notes are from what was for the me the real "out of the box" sessions...creative ideas that hit to the heart of the orphan crisis internationally and made me realise that by meeting so many other needs, we preemptively stop there being more orphans. 

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COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT

// Work to rebuild communities so that the children there can have a greater quality of life

// One family, who had adopted two children from Ethiopia, decided that they wanted to give back to the beautiful country that gave them two beautiful children

// This family are raise funds to transform the village - 27 water points, 3 school buildings, a library, a health clinic, and vet clinic as well as a bridge for the village of 6000.

//We need to think long term in transformational development

// Women in community desire to take care of these children – child sponsorship enables this to happen

SUSTAINABILITY

// When elder children age out of foster care, they are simply given money and sent out, creating crisis in their lives with no one to guide them

- They need to be taught money management, employment skills and how to find opportunities for themselves

// Don’t just give money, but provide opportunities for people in developing nations to work

// You cannot start something and then back out in a few years time – partnering with the local church is the only way for this to happen

AGRICULTURE

// Agriculture is important as we need to produce as much food in the next 40 years as we have produced in the past 8000 years because of the way the world has been changing in food consumption

// Approximately 1 billion suffer from chronic hunger – many of these are farmers

// The greatest limitation is access to resources – farmers need to be helped to develop and use relevant technology

// Sustainability and creating revenue is key to help build a model so that things can continue to grow.

// The need isn’t to help grow, but to create an actual liveable earning and economic model with added value

INTERNATIONAL CHURCHES

Note: An Ethiopian national who works with orphans delivered this talk

// The local church in a foreign country knows what they need better than a western church

// Get out of the way and let Father God lead

// Be willing to serve another person’s vision

// Use the systems already in place

// Do not get so involved in strategy that you forget narrative

// Family preservation needs to be a priority – this is what the children need.

- Keep with family

- Find adoption into the extended family

- if not family, then adopt into local community, so they can grow and be a productive part of their nation

 // Personal involvement is needed by Westerners (not just money & meeting material needs)

// Ethiopians have no idea on the theology of adoption – they don’t see the need – imagine if they were educated on it?

// Think about transferring the ownership to the churches and enabling them to take over – build their capacity. Help the church to say: “This is my project”.

Any surprises? Ever been guilty of the mentality that "West is Best" in terms of thinking and what you bring to the table to foreign countries? Had you thought about sustainability?

!dea Camp - Adoption & Foster Care

These are notes on the sessions specially addressing Adoption and Foster Care - this DEFINITELY gave us lots to think about...hopefully it will do the same for you. 

Our friends Emily & Moody who have a beautiful family including adoption

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ORPHAN CARE

// We cannot live the Christian American Dream

// We could get the statistics on adoption, but it is a simple Biblical principle

// Building programmes that are focussed on people’s gifting is wrong – begin with the needs of the children you are trying to help first!

// Every church should have Orphan Care

// “God sets the lonely in FAMILIES” (Psalm 68:6) – we should be seeking to children within families (whether through fostering or adoption)

// We cannot be satisfied with children living in orphanages, temporary places of transition; they need permanency.

// Man made orphanages for children, but God made families for children

// Jesus set it all aside to enter into our world. Enter into the pain of some of these children and lay aside our feelings.

// The church in the USA needs to work with the church globally to place children in homes permanently (family-like setting) – international adoption isn’t the only option

MEN

// Since the Garden of Eden, men have been passively stepping back. They need to step up.

// Adoptive should not be a back up plan for couples, but a normative idea

// Only 3% of husbands start the conversation of adoption – husbands should be the ones to start it off

// More things need to be shown from the father’s perspective – much of adoption is geared towards mothers

FOSTER CARE

// 115,000 children waiting for adoption through the Foster Care system

// Foster Care manages but does not solve the problems

// 42% of children who age out of foster care will be in the criminal courts by the age of 24

// Children in foster care are 3x less likely to graduate high school

// The older children in sibling groups are less likely to be adopted

// There is a high correlation between homelessness and being in foster care

// We cannot rely totally on our government – we have to engage in the community

// Where possible, children shouldn’t be moved to other parts of the state/town

// If considering foster care, you need to be prepared to have them for a season – anything from a few days until a few years. There will be an element of grief when this season ends. 

- random end thought from me - the BAAF (British Association for Adoption & Fostering) says the average age of an adoptive parent is 38...where are the younger people rising up to make a difference?? Could children benefit from having adoptive parents in their 20s too??

Artistry

The Friday evening session had a short talk, a “artists panel” interviewing a photographer, filmmaker & musician and then a band played, with videos of various things, and stories of how they had engaged in the orphan crisis including mission trips and both domestic & international adoption. The next day, a panel of bloggers met who discussed writing.

// We need to be open to interruptions. These will take the form of other humans, who when their stories invade our lives, we will change.

// The broken invites us into our own brokenness – the conversations about Orphan Care will drive us into the arms & hearts of Father God

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ARTIST PANEL

Esther Havens – Humanitarian Photographer – http://estherhavens.com/

Jonathan Olinger – Founder and Executive Director of Discover the Journey - www.discoverthejourney.org

Aaron Levy - Musician - http://aaronivey.com/

// If I meet someone who has a story and it’s not being told, I feel compelled to tell it.

// There is a difference between being a voyeur and a storyteller

// Everything comes down to relationship. Every injustice in the world can be traced back to a broken relationship.

// Story helps relationship…transport someone…encountering someone who isn’t the same…story…entering into someone else’s suffering and pain…that how we absorb the weight of pain, by listening to their story.

// It’s always the visual that stirs verbs, nouns & phrases

// The real artist is getting invested in the soil…real art is created when you are engaging in the story. This is what Jesus did for us – met us where we were in our suffering.

// Art speaks on multiple levels but facts speak on just one.

// Not everything is for everyone to experience. Not everything is meant to become a song.

AARON LEVY BAND

// Art…to stir the heart of man towards God

// Adoption is the most tangible expression of salvation that we have

// We are all just broken people in need of God

// The need is great, but what we see with our eyes is what we are responsible for

WRITING

// Story is what makes our relationships

// People respond when they know (a) our story & (b) they are told the stories of those affected. Both of these stories are important.

// There is a real authenticity that people are craving. When you are authentic, people trust you enough to go with you on this journey

// Sometimes we give a boldness/intimacy on social media that we wouldn’t have in normal conversation. Keep it natural

// Value that you bring something because of the unique gifting that Father has given you. Everyone should be ok with whatever God has asked you to write. Stay true to your voice.

// Don’t try and tie everything up in a bow and “complete” it.

// Whose story am I telling?? It is one thing to tell what I am going through. It is a totally other thing to tell my husband’s/friend’s/families story

// It is important to always give hope.

// Timing is key. Tell a story when there’s a lesson to be learnt, not just for the sake of it. 

!dea Camp - Session 2 - Causes & Ramifications

More notes from !dea Camp's discussion on Orphan care - feel free to pass it on to others. 

This is edits from Friday afternoon's talks & workshops. 

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// Adoption is a calling – not every one will or should adopt…

//  …BUT Orphan Care is a mandate for us all!! It is something that every single one of us needs to be a part of helping with.

TRAFFICKING

// Traffickers prey on the most vulnerable to make a profit – the loss of parents creates vulnerable children & teenagers

// Every two minutes children are abducted and trafficked

// There is a growing increase in child trafficking mixed with international adoption
- often when adoptions take a long time that is a good thing; it means they are fully investigating whether or not the child is an orphan and making sure they haven't been trafficked. 

// We are better at doing mercy (quick fix, see effects immediately) than justice (complicated, longer term involving systems such as religion, governmental and economic) - people need JUSTICE!

// 1/3 of runaways in the USA are approached by a trafficker within 48 hours

// Imagine if we put similar efforts into preventing children from becoming orphans

MALNUTRITION

// A child dies every 6 seconds from malnutrition – it kills more than AIDS and malaria combined

// The truth is that mums love their kids internationally BUT many are under resourced

// Where possible we should keep mothers and children together and support both of them to prevent orphaning

// In slums, at any given time, 50% of girls are pregnant. This is not a result of promiscuity but through selling sex to provide food for their families. Mothers will often ask their eldest daughter to sacrifice her sexuality in order to provide for their family.

// Every minute a mother dies through childbirth – tackling maternal health helps tackle the orphan crisis. You are 100x more likely to survive pregnancy if you are in the USA vs. on the African continent.

// Every 35 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS.

// AIDS isn’t an event; it’s a disease. And it’s not just a “medical” effort that is needed to help it.

// Ask better questions. Listen to the people directly involved in these struggles.

SPECIAL NEEDS

// The plight of children with special needs internationally is horrendous – political ideologies, sense of shame and warped religious views create a sense that those children are worthless.

// In America, when it is discovered a child has Down’s syndrome, 90% of those pregnancies will be aborted. While other countries publically scorn children with special needs, America simply covers up brokenness and pretends it didn’t exist.

PHOTOGRAPHY

// “Fly in the eye” photography (where we desire to highlight human poverty with a pathetic looking child” is simply developmental pornography. We are exploiting people.

// Ask yourself these questions before taking pictures in other cultures:

// Is this photo for them or for me?

// How does God see this person?

// How would I feel if I was this person?

// We need to listen to the people we photograph. We need to ask what is their story and then seek to help bring long-term solutions to their problems.

// Empower women to look after their families. Help them get a job and/or an education

// Train young people in an occupation or trade that will build them a sustainable future

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

// Children are made vulnerable in domestic violence situations

// Children are often “orphaned” by a parent that is around but is not actually involved in their live, or involved in a negative way (abuse, substance addiction). Though they have a “parent of record”, this person is merely a figurehead and the child needs to be cared for.

// Domestic violence affects both the children involved (educational delay, loss of innocence, parentalization, bullying, ADHD, over-achieving, eating disorders…) as well as the wider society (repetition of domestice violence, less graduates, higher mental health sufferers, poor relationships, teenage pregnancy, chronic disease e.g. depression, obesity…)

// Solutions to Domestic violence: face it and realise it happens everywhere, be available, know what to do, be an open door, find the root cause, educate yourself, collaborate, teach from church pulpits, support programmes, use your gifts. 

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What stats stand out to you? Anything surprise you? Thoughts?