Breath

I can’t live in you

I can sustain myself

In you

You have nothing for me it seems

Mr. Moment.

There is so much to do

The rush of the days chores and activities

From one activity to the

Next

Like a chain smoker

Barely stubbed up out

I light up the next

Addicted to the adrenaline of a life on the run

Unaware that the smoke is slowly

Wrapping its dirty smog arms around

My lungs as I strain

To even take in

I don’t think I even know what its like to not feel this way

Struggling

Grasping

My mind runs to the future

The trendy loft apartment

Got on a bargain

Conceiving place of the

Newborn I cradle in my arms

As the others run around screaming

“Madea” as my mother helps me in my chaos

steve home from work chases kids around the house

and discusses out latest travel plans

another plane ride awaits us

so much more of the globe to view

lunch with my girlfriends

as we discuss my book tour, job promotions

laughing at the times we were young

and poor

then she

my mind

runs back

back to the moments that won’t be forgotten no matter

how hard

I try they still stay vivid

The regrets of how I struggled so much with knowing me

Who I was

In middle school, high

School days a tear filled blur

Of discomfort within my skin

The unspoken words at college

Was I really the influence I wanted to be?

Did I speak the truth when I was supposed to

Have I done enough?

Will I do enough?

Am I doing

Enough?

But no time to think through this

With so much to do

See

Fear.

Oh Mr. Moment

I want to go on a date

Where I soak in your presence like fine wine at a meal

And I listen and absorb

Tipsy in your presence

As I’ve so fully drunk it in

I want to sit in the sun

And listen

And not stop listening

No matter how hard the rain falls later

I think I can’t catch up with you Mr. Moment

You seem to me to be running away

So very fast

But you tell me:

“In your ignorance, you have lapped me

You are the hare

You resent the tortoise

Even though he was victorious.

In your arrogance you run and rage and battle against me

You dream of a date

A sit down meal with me

But its lustful fancy

Your actions tell me so”

And so I miss

Date after date

Enjoying your company

Long chats

Deep rests

And smoke chokes me

Stops me from breathing.

Why can’t I just live right now

Simply with you

Mr. Moment?