Together

I hate being alone. 


I know hate is a strong word, but I really don't like it. Yes, we should be able to embrace quiet time, and learn to be still and silent, but I am part of the generation of people like Elizabeth Gilbert (protagonist in 'Eat, Pray, Love') that cannot learn to just be still and mediate in the position of a bridge, board, or other random inanimate object.

I need people!! I need noise!!

Another reason why Ghana is the best place in the world for me.

Under one five-bedroomed roof live twenty-two of us, ranging from 14-40, from seven different countries [Ghana, Togo, Germany, England, Mexico, America & Northern Ireland]. There is a frequently sung the song, "There were four in the bed and the lile one said, 'Move down because another apprentice just got accepted so we need to make room for them!'". With water problems for two days, toilets were full of everything from every orifice. Meals around the 8-seater table are a diving event of hands, food and madness. People sit on each others laps and the arms of the chair as we gather around the tv.

Yet there are no complaints. 

I said it yesterday, and I will reiterate it again: It takes a special type of person to give up the comfort of their western life and live in Africa.

And it is these special people who will change the world. 

I love the late night chats, the hanging out, the communal meals, the trips to the store that don't require ten people to go, but everyone is enjoying hanging out so much they can't break away.

Steve was yesterday's hero for fixing the water. The shower off our room is the best one in the house, so I offered whoever wanted to use it the opportunity to do so before we settled down for the night. After the final person finished, they mopped up the bathroom not wanting to leave it dirty for us.

At lunchtime, whether you have put money in the pot or not, bread, ham tongue and overpriced cheese are shared and passed around the table.

A toilet is cleaning thoroughly even though you weren't the one to repeatedly throw up in it.

This is what it means to be together.
To have community.
To live out the body of Christ.

It is not just in the words we say to encourage one another, or the polished preach we proclaim, but in the acts we serve one another with.

"This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples-when they see the love you have for each other."
{John 13:35 - the message translation}

I love the loudness of this house. The only moment of silence in the house is when "internet time" happens (for just one hour a day) and all the "foreigners" gather around their laptops to update their Facebook statuses, blogs and check emails.

The irony of a internet-based virtual community replacing human tangible connections.

There is no greater joy to me than this.
This togetherness.
This love.
This hope.

I imagine Father God loves it. 
Revels in it.
Takes joy and pride in us, His creation, fulfilling the purpose He desired us to have.

And I imagine how when it is released into the schools and the communities, the great impact it will make. 

Solo

For my birthday present, I got surprised with a trip to Florida (to see my friend Catharine Brindley from London compete in the Ironman 70.3 Triathlon AND to spend time with the Pais team there).

I flew FIRST CLASS!!

- Before any one wonders how we can afford that, the answer is we can't!! BUT because we fly standby, flights in America are the same price whether you fly coach/economy or first class...God is FANTASTIC (and that is a note all in itself for another time!!)

Standby rules meant I wasn't allowed to wear denim, shorts skirts or skorts (skirts and shorts combined). I thought my brown knee highs would look sophisticated but they only go with my jeans. In the end i picked a relatively sensible outfit, but topped it offwith a sweater pretentiously placed over my shoulders and tid in a Little Lord Fauntleroy/Prep School/Country Club manner. I discovered that my bag had a slit in it so you could slide it on the top of my small suitcase and look professional and like a well-seasoned traveller.

"Jaunty Fierce" best described me.

On my ticket was written 'Priority Access' so i got to go through another line while those in economy classes queued up.

The flight crew welcomed me more graciously then they had on my previous flights when I was slumming it.

I sat in seat by just ONE other person. Out arms never touched despite my fidgeting.

Our drinks orders were taken and arrived in real glasses.The orange juice tasted as if they had freshly squeezed the fruit from a beach that morning and then thoughtfully sieved to remove pips, bits and impurities that would impair taste.

Snacks were available for sale in coach. In First Debbie (who loved my accent) came and took my order on a stainless steal notepad. My omlette arrived accompanied by potato wedges, a fruit bowl and a lightly toasted bagel. I ate with real silverwear, savouring every morsel of this exquisite delight.

I was being treated like the princess I always knew myself to be.

Amidst this experience i kep thinking:

"I wish Steve was here!"

"Kaream would love flying in first class like this!"

"Jess and Jemma were so lucky when they got to fly first together!"

I had never felt so special.


Yet I had never felt so alone.


Experiences aren't that great when you don't have people to share them with. The moment was sophisticated and refined, but it would have been complete if the moment had been shared.

---

I spent the second half of the plane ride so engrossed in a conversation with the lady next to me, that we never exchanged names though we exchangedlife stories. We talked of healthcare, children, foreclosed houses, pets, flying, birds that were part of divorce settlements, nannies for children vs staying at home, church, quiliting and death.

She was alone.

I was alone.

Together we weren't.

---

On the shared shuttle ride to the hotel, a lady named Harlee who was travelling alone made this simple yet profound statement:

"Its always so much more fun when you can share it with someone!"

And that's the challenge for us all - to find someone fun to share it with. It's not about having a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/child/best friend...its about appreciating and realising that the people that Father God has placed around you are not by chance, are not by accident...there is a plan and a purpose for them. They add to your life. There are experiences you will gain from them that you will not gain from anyone else. They are gifts they have that you are lacking so Father is blessing you by allowing you to learn from them. There are hard times that will remain hard but become bearable by leaning on those besides you. There are words that you will say, words that you will hear, that will change the very trajectory of your life, but you need to be around to be in that moment.

We can have the most amazing experiences, have the most beautiful clothes, have the best job...but if we don't have the right people around us...

In my first year on Pais, I was put on a team with two other boys who could not have been more different from me. I was pretty convinced it was a set up and after a day or so someone would come out and say "SURPRISE" and reveal my actual team to me.

But no one did.

And I think I've come to the place where I am glad they didn't.

There are challenges, conversations, prayers to God, situations that I went through in that first year that without the team I had, I would have never experienced. I was forced to grow and adapt in a way I wouldn't have chosen, but has shaped me into the woman I am today. There are apprentices on Pais that I can guide and encourage because I've been where they have been.

That team, those boys, those people shaped me into what I am today.

I wasn't better off alone.

Who has God arranged for you to be sat next to on the plane?? Nothing is by chance.

People help shape our lives...

Alone

Since Steve and I got married, maybe since we were engaged, I have wondered:

Father God...why did you cause me to get married so young??

I DO NOT regret getting married.

I LOVE Steve with all my heart and this grows everyday.

But I often look at more than eligible singletons and wonder "Why are they are still single, and I'm the one that's married??"

Lets face it: not many of us thought I'd be the first one to settle down. There's not much about me that suggests I'd make a submissive and obedient housewife making dinners for husband as he returns from work. And having someone determine how much money I can spend on shopping?? Jog on son!!

And I look at some of you BEAUTIFUL girls who are single and I think "They are a much better catch than me!! They care, they're supportive, they're helpful, they're loving and compassionate, they cook well, they're tidy, they're gorgeous!"

A few weeks ago in a preach, Father God revealed something to me.

It is not good for man to be alone. I'll make a helper for him, a companion. [Genesis 2:18]

The speaker explained that it wasn't good for us to be alone and think we could do things all by ourselves - we need to be interdependent with others around us, and that one day will include with a husband.

Within me is such a fiercely independent spirit.

When you grow up without your biological dad, and a mother that is strong beyond compare, you realise that you can make it on your own - you don't need anyone else, you can do what you need to do and no one else needs to help you. Being alone is just fine.

And that's why God got me married so young.

That spirit of independence had grown within me to cause distrust of men, and reliance on myself. I didn't want to be vulnerable through fear of getting hurt, and didn't want anyone too close.

By bringing a husband into my life, Father has taught me that yes I can make it on my own, but I don't have to. There is great strength in a wife that supports her husband. There is great strength in a wife that provides for her family. There is great strength in a woman who opens her heart to be loved, and to love, unconditionally.

God is doing a different thing in each of us.

We cannot compare our lives to oneanother.

There is a reason we are either married or single right now. And Father God wants to show us that reason.

Maybe you're single because Father realises that you so desperately need someone in your life to make you complete and justify and affirm you, that He can't bring someone into your life until you learn to love yourself and seek completion in another.

Maybe you're married because God wants to use you as an example to your family who are broken and need a strong family to set a new example an status quo.

Maybe you're single because God is creating an awesome man for you, and is preparing you to be the wife for him.

Maybe you're married because you are going to be put in situations so hard in the near future that you need to have a mate who is there in those difficult times.

I don't know why you have the dating relationship you do.

But I know Father God has a plan for you within that.

I know He is shaping your story.

I know He has a plan and a purpose for you life that He doesn't want you to miss out on.

I know that faith is trusting in the things unseen, the things that have not been revealed yet to you, but believing that it is going to work out the way its supposed to.

I love you so much beautiful girls.

And no matter what husbands, boyfriends, dates, or fathers we have in our life...

...we will always have each other's love...

...and we will always have the love of Father God.

The joy that comes from learning to love...
[Photography by Sarah Frost]