!dea Camp Morning #1 - The Global State of the Orphan

Steve and I are currently attending !dea Camp, a collaborative conference where everyone gets a voice and chance to throw in their thoughts, ask lots of questions and really engage with the topic. This years theme is 'Orphan Care'. 

These are just a snippet of my notes from the morning session (there will be three more notes like this to come in the next coming days) - there were 8 different speakers (with 5-20 minutes each) plus workshops where all delegates were actively encouraged to throw in their ideas. 

Some of these are statistics. 

Some are experiences from work in various fields. 

Some are just simply random musings. 

The point is not what they are, but what it triggers us to think...to feel...to see...to do. 

Feel free to comment with your thoughts, experiences, opinions!!

 ----

// The orphan crisis seems to large with 150-200 million orphans worldwide

//The people of God are the hope of the world

// Research highlights that in America we do not have the ability to be vulnerable. Americans are the most in debt, overspent, most overweight & most addicted – these are numbing mechanisms to cope with not being able to be broken

//80% of people on mission trips to orphans are women

// The problem isn’t that there aren’t enough Christians in the world – it is that the compassion of the Christians in the world isn’t enough

// If our only solutions to the Orphan Crisis are building/funding orphanages or international adoption, we will only reach around 1-2% of the orphans in need – we need to think outside of the box

// Fatherlessness is written in the hearts of this generation – songs, movies, blogs, TV shows…

// Fatherlessness is the engine driving our worst problems – teenage pregnancy, gang culture, homicide…

//The church needs to raise up mentors to help – In Portland, OR at the mentoring project, there  are 1000 kids on the formal waiting list for mentors

// Churches – start small, start with what is already going on, start with prayer

//Jeremiah 32:7 – Nothing is too difficult for God

// There is no reason the Orphan Crisis cannot be solved – Civil Rights: look at what happened 1960-1969? Global Warming: No one even talked about it 15 years ago.

// We need to work out what the “best interest of the child” really means

// Institutionalised care (orphanages/groups homes) are 5-10 times more costly than family care

// International adoption costs around $30,000. Figures suggest raising a child until their 18 in America costs over $200,000. That is $230,000 that could be spent on reaching multiple orphans, not just one.

// In USA, we have sought to eliminate many/most orphanages and group homes knowing these are not in “the best interest of the child” YET we continue to fund and see the solution oversees as building orphanages

// What if we invested our efforts in helping the people of those nations take care of the children in their nations?

// After the mass rise of international adoptions out of China, the government has put its efforts into foster care and domestic adoption solutions – in 2005 the number of children adopted that stayed in China, surpassed the number adopted internationally

// It is not popular to give to AIDS/HIV funding, but this is a major factor in reducing orphans

// Lets not pretend that a week in a foreign country on missions really benefits that place – it changes us MORE than it changes them

// International missions trips: we pay $2000 to go and paint a fence or orphanage in Uganda, but for $5 a day, we could pay a Ugandan national to do the same and provide him with a job

// Most of President Obama’s staff mentor young people

// Just showing up and being there is 90% of mentoring

// It can take over a year of mentoring before you can really break into the heart of a fatherless child

// How can you help?

            // Start small

            // Start with what is already going on

            // Start with prayer

----


Thoughts? Feelings? Comments? Reactions?

Tiger

I am a tiger.

I became one at 11, as my body stretched and grew awkwardly into its shape.

On a middle school trip to France for culture, architecture and food,

we found ourselves

Somehow

In a clothing store.

Excitement grew as we scanned swimsuits.

This was the summer we had waited for:

From one piece

To two.

A grey bikini with short bottoms caught my eye

I eagerly tried it on

Then came out to display it to my friends

The Mean Girls rule applies – you can’t buy something unless everyone agrees on it.

I opened the curtains to find

A boy had infiltrated our group

Now part of the judging panel

He declared:

“What are those tiger stripes on your legs?!”

That’s when I knew I was a tiger.

An ugly one.

One that stood out too much

Too far

And so

I hid away.

Those lines that symbolised womanhood

Strength

Growth

Became the lines

The scars

The daggers marks

That ruined me

Ruined looking in the mirror

Ruined my esteem

I hated the stripes.

The represented my weakness.

You have a weakness too.

Something you feel "lets the side down."

The bump on your nose.

The hair down your back.

The lines on your belly.

The marks on your leg.

Your stripes are big and small

dark and light

bumpy and ridged

wrinkled and taut

Your stripes make you cry

Wince in pain, scream aloud, feel such

Shame

His stripes did the same.

From the whips and the chains

From the crowd jeering his name

As the blood poured out red

As His body went dead

Yet by His stripes we are healed.

Where others saw weakness

There was strength and power

Healing

Life.

His stripes saved me.

And yours will too.

Because behind the scar,

The stripe, the bump,

The line, the cut, the bruise

The disfigurement

Is a story.

As a tiger, 

I couldn’t rely on the outside, the appeal, the appearance to draw a crowd in

I learnt to be modest

That my body wasn’t a spectacle

So I stood back and watched others take centre stage

And watched as flirtation and then promiscuity stood by them and took a bow

And went into 

the encore.

As a growing tiger

Older

Supposedly wiser

My stripes as deep as they were before

I gather my cubs

With their marks, cuts, bruises

The things they just don’t like about

Themselves

And tell them the story of my stripes

And hope that by telling my tale

They

Will be healed.

Their esteem restored

Their hearts inspired

Their lives changed

Though memories fade

Hearts are healed

Your scars won’t be taken away

Because without them

You are plain animal

With no story to tell

With no story to bring hope.

Embrace the thing you most dislike about yourself

and ask

what is the story beneath it?

what is the power it holds?

what have I been taught through it?

whose life will it make a difference to?

I am a tiger.

What animal are you?

Listen

How do you think God speaks to you?

“I don’t know.”

If you don’t know, then how can you hear Him??

Sometimes its just that gut feeling

“I should go there”

“I shouldn’t speak to them”

“I should go and check they are fine”

“I should call them up”

Just a quiet whispering

A quiet feeling

Of the next step

That sense of security

Maybe it’s repetition

That number “2” you see over again

The clock is always “37 minutes past” when you look at it

The same person serving you at the grocery store each time you go up

It’s the thing that makes your heartbeat rise,

Given you goosebumps

Frustrates you

The news report

The TV show

The magazine article

The local protest

It’s all saying

Go

Move

Do

Act

It’s all

Listening.

The voice of Father creams through the thunder and lightning

And whispers through the cold day breeze

It’s all one

It’s all talk

It’s all for you to hear.

Tea

I loved the Black Eyed Peas Superbowl Halftime show.

To be honest it was the only thing I was looking forward to in regards to the Superbowl.

The dancing

The choreography

Stage design

Costumes

It was a performance

It was a spectacle

I love the party anthem of 'I’ve Gotta Feeling', always loudly shouting, “Mazeltov!”

I love the beats of their songs and how I have one friend, a Christian teacher and mother of three, who always whispers, “Dirty bit!” with a cheeky chuckle.

Ending the show with that age old question:

“Where is the love?”

Where is it??

I know our society is so broken, falling apart in so many ways

But I still see it

In the ever-growing group of people in Arlington and beyond who are fundraising to build 10+ wells providing clean water, classroom buildings and a library in a small village in Ethiopia.

In the kids writing valentines for all their classmates, so they don’t feel left out

In the family I am working with getting me snickers and my favourite Whole Foods bread.

In my brother's care for his seven-month-old cousin.

In the way strangers still hold open doors for people at restaurants and stores.


In men who still woo their wives and take them out on dates after 50 years of marriage. 


In the restoration that comes to a divided family when a new baby is born. 


In the people who work for non-profit organizations, government-funded initiatives, and low paying community efforts, for the sake of others, not for the sake of a large salary. 


In the family that have Steve and I over every week for dinner. 

The love is found when we do not let the cynical rule:
"I always prefer to believe the best about everybody, it saves so much trouble." - Rudyard Kipling. 

When we chose to see the joy in all situations:
"I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little." - Paul the apostle

When we use words of care, even when we don’t feel the other person deserves them:
"If you see your enemy hungry, go buy him lunch; if he's thirsty, bring him a drink.
Your generosity will surprise him with goodness, and God will look after you." - Proverbs 25 v 22

When we protect those who can’t protect themselves:

"The greatness of America is in how it treats its weakest members: the elderly, the infirm, the handicapped, the underprivileged, the unborn." - Bill Federer


We open our doors to others:
"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day." - Sally Koch 

We make tea, not war.

147

First comes love

Then come marriage

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

This is how we have been trained to see life.

A picture of a couple settled in holy matrimony,

making a planned decision to bring one or more children

into the world.

A baby is welcomed into the family

With a shower of

Gifts

Hugs

Words of encouragement for the first timer

The belly swells with joy

Pride

Because this is what they have been waiting for

This once traditional ordering is being played around with so much in society

So lets just mess around with it some more.

Lets throw another way into the mix.

A couple with several children open their home to foster children

Adopted children

Not with the usual baby shower

But a “Gotcha” day

And a step out into an unpredictable world.

One of a variety of emotions.

The multicultural smiles around the table,

remind them that this,

though a hard decision,

Is a beautiful one.

The children interact with love

This is what they have been waiting for.

While we are mixing with the non-traditional

Can I suggest something even more different?

A couple, married for a few years, think about a new arrival

Or two

Or three

Not of their own womb, but still to be

Their own

Surprising as they scan the internet, they see so many sibling groups

Twos

Threes

Fours

Even a few fives

What is their story the couple wonder?

Abandoned, abused, neglected, malnourished...

But the story doesn’t seem to matter

It’s the faces that matter.

The faces that say:

“Will you be our family

Forever?”

The hands that hold one another tight and say:

“Please, keep us all

together”

The eyes that don’t quite make contact as if to say:

“I don’t know if we can trust you

but

we want to”

The couple discover on their journey,

It’s not just the cute, little newborn that needs a home

It’s the bigger ones

Those “bigger” in age

Those “bigger” in emotional issues

Those “bigger” in developmental and mental health needs

Those “bigger” in grouping

When the world has 147 millions orphans

147 million individual lives

needing a home

a family

a mummy & a daddy

Why make another baby?

Why bring a life into this world,

when they are so many in need already?

Is it selfish to want a child that looks likes you

Sounds like you

Came from you

When there are so many who still need you?

What defines a child

Your child?

Is it that they came from you,

made with your DNA?

Or is the time that you spend with them

Developing them

Training them

Playing with them

Investing in them

and Loving them?

What makes a mum and a dad?

Is it merely genetics?

Or is it something else

Something more

Something greater

Steve and I step into a journey of working out

What are we called to?

Why is this becoming something that we grow passionate about?

When will we be parents?

Who will be our children?

Whether they come

From us

Or to us

They

We know

will be like us. 

Willing

Things that gross me out:

Vomit.

Why is it that someone else vomits, it makes you want to vomit…then there’s two people’s vomit to clean up…but what if the person who comes along to help clean you up vomits as well?!

Diarrhoea.

I love Kaream. I loved caring for him as a baby, and didn’t mind changing his nappies. Even when he was going through what I describe as ‘The United Colours of Benetton’ phase. But when it’s runny and gross? And you can smell it from several rooms away? Too much.

Dirty bathrooms.

If you know me, you know I don’t pee-pee in public toilets. I don’t believe in the myths that you can catch HIV/AIDS from sitting on the same toilet seat as someone else. Not that I have ever sat on a public toilet seat (I have thighs of steel that allow me to hover above them).

But I do believe you can catch something pretty gross from them.

I remember being at university in 1^st year, on the top floor of our apartment block and most of the girls were either away or out for the evening. I heard the corridor door open and shut and someone run into their room. Then I heard it. The puking. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t. I had prayed for Father God to give me opportunities to show love and care, and share his truth with those who didn’t know much about him on campus. I knew I had to step out and help.

Following the wretching sound, I came to Ruth’s room, where it appeared she was praying to the porcelain god in her ensuite. I spent some time holding back her hair, rubbing her back and trying not to puke on her before tucking her into her Barbie bed sheets.

As she slept, I prayed over her…

…which I later found out she was awake for and had mistaken for me reading her last rites.

I loved my time living at Chris & Rainey’s house during my second year of Pais. There was so much fun and laughter in that house, and Chris was a real father to me. I was a surrogate big sister to their toddler twins, who slept in the room next door to me. Missing my younger brothers & cousins, I loved nothing more than playing with them.

One night I heard a cry, headed down the hall and then smelt something that almost floored me. Gabby had a dying animal inside of her coming out. Well, it smelt like that. I picked her up, gave her a little cuddle and used a dozen wet wipes as I changed her nappy/diaper.

I hardcore scrubbed my hands before returning to bed.

On a recent road trip, the inevitable happened: I needed to go to the bathroom.  

Rushing into the loo, I was greeted by someone else’s “mess”. There is that split second where you have to make a decision: leave and go into another stall, or just pee anyways.

With gritted teeth, I decided to clean it up.

No matter your class, you can still have an air of superiority about you.

A list of things you “just don’t do”,

things that are “below” you,

things that “someone else can do”.

Nevermind that the Son of Man came to serve, not to be served.

Nevermind that He declared that a servant is not ranked above his master, as he carefully washed the stinky, dirt-infested feet of his disciples.

We will gladly take a Kodak snap for the scrapbook with a dirty orphaned African child, but we can’t pick up a piece of trash in our street, or help that person cross the street, or gracefully respect those serving us.

Keen for a girls night out during the two weeks we spent doing training in San Antonio, myself and Adrienne gathered a group of raucous ladies for a night at the Londonder Pub. Sam, our waitress, was kept well amused by our loud antics and confusion over who was eating what as plates were passed hectically around the table. At the end, as we sorted the bills, she said:

“I don’t know what it is about your culture, but you guys were so polite tonight.”

[Rather than launch into a reading from the New Testament and tell her about Jesus, I spoiled the wonderful mood by declaring “That’s because they know I would spank them if they misbehaved.” Classy.]

Just before Christmas, two ladies started attending church after being invited by someone at the gym. Steve met them first and came over to me saying “The woman says she knows me from somewhere but I don’t know where. Come and meet her,” he pushed, knowing that if one of us was more likely to remember an individual, it was me, the social butterfly.

“I know where I know you from!” she exclaimed. “The hospital!”

We looked at each other thoroughly bemused, knowing that we hadn’t been to the hospital since my case of pleurisy almost two years previously.

“Yeah, you were ill and he was looking after you. I remember you because he was taking such good care of you.”

A twenty-three-month-old occurrence of service was so etched into a woman’s head that she felt like she already knew us when she entered our church.

Our Father is love.

Not merely loving,

But defined as love.

We most emulate Him, when we love those around us.

The littlest action, the smallest deed, the love we have for one another

Truly

Makes a difference.

So go ahead, serve someone.

If you don’t, I’ll spank you.